Guess who woke up at 1:30 AM and couldn't go back to sleep? My loss is your gain because I'm finally going to tell you about the amazing love of God that got me to this point. It comes at a critical time too, because I have been angry the past couple weeks and second-guessing my decision to have weight loss surgery. I'll give more details on that next week after my six week follow up appointment, but know that I've been feeling crappy and the scale hasn't been moving. Anyway, I often have trouble sleeping through the night when God wants me to understand something. The first thing I thought when I woke up was that I needed to pee, but the second thing was that it was a perfect opportunity to wrap up the story of what led to my surgery. I can't possibly have regret or be angry when remembering that. So here goes...
After my gall bladder surgery, when we found out my liver was bad, the surgeon suggested weight loss surgery and for the first time I strongly considered it. I always dismissed the idea because I was terrified I wouldn't wake up from the anesthesia and (at that point in time) you couldn't get pregnant afterward because it was too dangerous. Now, the things that I was fearful of were out of the equation. I hit my max out of pocket with the insurance company, so based on my research on their website, I could have the surgery at no cost to us. It seemed like a no-brainer. My biggest concern was whether or not I could have it done by the end of the year because if not, I would have to pay a few thousand dollars and that would be out of the question. So, I looked up our insurance company's requirements while the doctor's office was checking too, and saw that I met all the criteria and should be able to have the surgery this year. I cried tears of joy at the prospect of finally having a tool that has such a huge success rate.
That joy was short-lived when I got the call from the doctor's office saying my insurance plan doesn't cover any form of weight loss surgery under any circumstances. Punch in the gut. This was the story of my life. I have some hope for things to go well, then it all gets taken away in an instant. This is the world I live in...at least for the next few years if I'm lucky. I don't know what the doctor actually told me at that wake up call about my liver, but what I heard was that I needed to drop a lot of weight quickly and it was going to be next to impossible for me to do it without surgery. So I did what any strong, confident woman does. I cried. All day. We had a counseling appointment that afternoon where Steve was super-supportive and talked about how we would do Whole30 for a year and lose weight together. I was deflated, but thankful for my husband and his commitment to me. I told him I needed a backyard pool where I could do water exercise everyday. He agreed and built me a deck with stairs so I could get in and out of it. I live in plan B, so I put on my big girl panties and got to work.
On July 4th, I posted on Facebook about what was going on and bragged about how wonderful my husband was for building not only a pool, but hope in me. The point of my post was to share how amazing Steve was and the sad news was there just to provide context for his awesomeness. Well, my dad read it and got the idea that it would be even better if I had the surgery to go with Steve's support. He called me that evening and said that he would like my family to all pitch in to pay for the surgery because they all love me and want to save my life. He also added that he would cover the cost, but felt I would be more successful if more people rallied around me because, in his words, it would be easy for me to disappoint him, but much harder to disappoint everyone else. He wasn't wrong.
My dad and I have always had a rocky relationship. I don't think it will do any good to drudge up why, but just understand there have been mistakes and hurt. There has also been forgiveness, but that doesn't always translate to a wonderful relationship. While I didn't hold animosity for him, I also didn't call him regularly and we didn't share each other's lives. I was shocked when he called me making the offer to pay for my surgery. I was also skeptical because I didn't want to be manipulated and owe him. I talked with Steve and friends about it and to my surprise, everyone was in quick agreement that I should accept his offer. After several conversations with my dad, I heard that he loved me and wanted to do whatever he could help his daughter even at great cost to him. He is not a wealthy man and it was going to be a huge sacrifice for him to come up with this money. I was seeing the potential this surgery had to change my life beyond just losing the weight. We don't have a lot of positive memories and this could be the start of actually building a good relationship.
So, after I accepted his offer, it was time to see if any other family wanted to contribute. I have never asked for money or to borrow money. I don't even remember doing it as a kid. I value self-sufficiency and believe people should handle their business. That makes it really difficult to ask someone to sacrifice for you. We talked to Steve's parents and they immediately said they would help. I don't share their blood, but they have always accepted me as family and treated me as their daughter, but I was still surprised when they said yes. Talk about a humbling experience.
This is when I started to see God at work here. I have struggled for decades with my relationship with my dad, my weight, depending on others, and feeling worthy of love. All of that was being dealt with in this surgery. I was seeing my dad in a new light and thought this might be how he comes to know God. Not the god he saw as a child that was more about a social agenda at church, or even the legalistic god I knew growing up, but the God who moves heaven and earth for his children. The God who inspires people to stand up and help each other. How awesome would that be?! That's when I started feeling nudged to talk to my church family about this. They are my family after all.
I was awoken every night for at least a week with the nagging thought of asking my church family to be a part of contributing to my surgery. I am very responsive to God. When he asks me to do something, I do it, usually without hesitation. This was not one of those times. I didn't want to do it. Then he reminded me, that it wasn't about me. My dad was taking care of the surgery. It's covered. But what if I could show him God's love by the people of God rallying together to pay him back just a small portion when they don't even know him. On July 15th (a day which will live in infamy), I explained my situation and what my dad was doing. I explained that my dad doesn't know Jesus and would they help me show him what Christ's love really looks like. I wanted to throw up, but I also felt relieved because I knew I had been obedient.
Grace Harbor church is a small group of people (around 100) who are sinners recognizing they have been saved by the grace of God and they just want to be a harbor of grace to others. Our motto is: getting the love right. These people have changed my life for the better in more ways than I can count. Everyone should have a Grace Harbor. In making my request, I was hoping to raise about $100 to give my dad. When I sat back down, a young girl ran out to the car to get her money to give to me. Before I left that day, someone let me know that we would see what the church gives, then they would cover the difference to pay my dad back. What?!?!?! I type this through tears remembering how deeply moved I was (and still am). Who does things like that? Someone who has committed to live their life for God. There are some who say they live following Jesus' footsteps, and then there are people who actually do. I am blessed beyond measure to be surrounded by several of the latter. I'm the one who made a lifetime of bad health decisions that got me in this mess, but when I couldn't pay the debt, others stepped up to cover it for me.
In the weeks following, my friends organized an event to raise money which resulted in us collecting about $10,000 from my family and church family! When I relayed this story to our counsellor, she even contributed some money because "she wanted some skin in the game too." I have never felt more loved in all my life. It was beyond my wildest dreams. Our pastor has been preaching through the book of Acts and all this lined up with the section right after Pentecost when the church first began and lived in community with each other, selling their possessions and sharing with each other where any had need. Talk about scripture coming to life! I loved being able to call my dad and let him know what happened.
My surgery was scheduled for August 22nd, less than 2 months after my first appointment. When dealing with insurance, the process often takes up to a year with all the hoops they make you jump through. I was able to skip all that. It made the process so much easier, and just as my dad expected, knowing how many people were literally invested in my success made me work that much harder. It's a tangible example of what Jesus' dying on the cross did for me. I screwed up. People stepped in to cover my debt to save my life. My response to that is to want to live life to the fullest serving Him. I don't follow Jesus out of guilt or obligation, but it's a response to my gratitude. I want to be as successful as possible with this surgery so I can pay their generosity forward. I want my life to multiply what they have given me.
God is amazing! He truly does what Paul talks about in Romans 8:28 weaving together seemingly unrelated things for the good of those who love him according to his purpose. So, how can I sit here today and be angry about anything? How can I feel discouraged or flirt with regret? This has been one of the best things that has ever happened for me and I will continue to climb this mountain until I can shout God's goodness from the top. I'm thankful He has given me a story. Life is hard, but the people around us make it better. Don't we owe it to them to entertain them with a good story?
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