I've had a few people check on me to see how I'm doing, so I guess that means its time for an update.
This surgery stuff is weird. Talk to any Plexus rep and you'll know how important gut health is to the earth spinning on it's axis. That's just how important our stomachs are to our entire body. When you cut into your stomach, it jacks up all your hormones (pretty sure that's the clinical term) and leaves you feeling like a confused pregnant woman. Last week I bawled at seeing a fat person and for the past several days I've felt lifeless and a little depressed. These are common side effects to be expected after my surgery. Does it make you feel any better getting hit in the face if you know it's going to happen? Nope. There isn't really anything you can do to prepare for depression, so you just paint your door with lamb's blood and hope the angel of death passes over you. But I wasn't so lucky.
The supposed "cure" for pretty much every symptom you say you have from surgery is to "move, move, move." I don't think they even listen to you get out your symptom before jumping in with "you just need to drink more small sips of water and move, move, move." Well, when you feel like someone has sucked your will to live, telling you to move is like telling a vegan they can't talk about the horrific abuse your cow endured so you could enjoy that hamburger. You're just stuck and a little dumbfounded. But....I put on my big girl panties and I kept walking. I even stepped up my game and doubled my walking. I'm not allowed to break a sweat or walk outdoors, or do anything that could cause me to deplete my precious fluid resources, so I have been walking on an indoor track and watching my heart rate to make sure it stays in the 80s or less. It hasn't been a magic wand, but it has helped me feel like I can control something on this journey. I'm told what I have to eat and I am at the mercy of my body to see what results from the surgery, but I am in complete control over moving my body. It feels good to be in control of something.
I started my day by going to the community center alone while my boys slept because I wanted to make sure I got a good walk in no matter where the day took us. I've gradually been increasing my time and I decided I wanted to do 45 minutes, but I ended up doing 50 while I listed to podcasts. I felt like a wet noodle afterward, but I did it. I'm hoping to build up to an hour a day by the time I get the clear to exercise then start working on my speed.
I also got to enjoy 20 quiet minutes of driving to and from the community center which gave me time to think. Uh oh. Just kidding. It occurred to me that leading up to the surgery I felt so full of life and grateful to God for my family, friends and their support in my having this procedure. I've been so aware of God's provision and hand in guiding this every step of the way. My awareness ended when the pain of the recovery entered. I have been so myopic in thinking about how hard this is and how I wish I could fast forward that I stopped thanking God for this gift and seeking him through it. That perspective helped shake the depression I've been feeling. I'm still a bit weak and ready to crash by 4 PM everyday, but I am alive. Every day I get stronger, healthier, and closer to the complete image God designed me to be. I just need to keep showing up and putting my loaves and fishes on the table and he will bless it into abundance that I can't even imagine.
Remembering that focus was a huge gift today. It helps me remember all the heart-touching moments that led up to this. It is the best part of this whole story, but that's another story for another post.
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